Cupid is a bastard

The next person who says or mentions anything to me about Valentine's Day is getting sodomized with the business end of a tennis racket.

Yo dawg, I heard you like intestines so I put cat intestine in your intestine so you can shut the fuck up

Which sucks because I don't actually own a tennis racket at the moment. Fucking corporate holidays. They always find a way to get you to buy something...